Most of us struggle with poor self-esteem and a lack of confidence at various stages of our lives. It may start as a young child and continue as we jump into our later years.
There are many external reasons that contribute to this negative state of mind – comparing ourselves to what we see and hear on television and social media certainly are biggies! How many times have we seen ads for weight loss products or cosmetic products/procedures? Let’s not get started on those posts of beautiful people who seem to be basking in all things good everyday! Negativity may even come from within our own home or from our peers. Some of us are always trying to prove to others that we are good enough or worthy of being liked or loved. We forget however, that one of the biggest sources of negativity is our own mind.
Yes, it’s true! Your own beloved brain is being duped and is believing everything it sees and hears. Well, not exactly. Our brain can’t distinguish what’s fake from reality so when it sees or hears something especially juicy, it releases chemicals that either make us feel or good or put us into fight or flight mode. Repeated patterns, images or verbal cues become hard wired into our brain so it stands to reason, that after a while, you start believing these cues.
Our brain is wired to look for danger. One of its main jobs is to prepare us for worst case scenarios (even though we may not have asked it to
). It naturally focuses on the “what-ifs”, and anything else negative that could happen. What if I fail this important test today? I’m sure there are other candidates more qualified than me for the job or…that person won’t ask me out – there are plenty of girls prettier than me.
Although it’s more exhausting, it is easier to believe the negative-self talk and nonsense that we expose ourselves to than it is to be confident and think ourselves worthy of unending possibilities.
Nataly Kogan, author of The Awesome Human Project, identified 5 Emotional Fitness Skills to boost your overall emotional fitness and your inner resilience. Here are 3 of those steps:
1. Acknowledge that your thoughts are NOT facts but stories your brain is telling you.
2. Show daily gratitude and notice the small but significant positive moments in everyday life. Allow yourself to have daily “wins”.
3. Fuel your emotional, mental and physical energy. Step away from screens, people and situations that zap you of your ability to love yourself.
To see the full list and Nataly’s presentation click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XLAf33jLVk&t=1266s
Before taking any drastic steps, reframe the situation and figure out how you can turn a challenging situation into a positive one. What might you learn by telling yourself that you are worthy and that you won’t give up that easily?
Reframing situations and advocating for yourself is a skill that will take you far in life.
Tips to help you boost your self-esteem and confidence:
- Begin your day with a positive affirmation i.e. I am an AWESOME human being and deserve to have a good day.
- Set at least 1 goal for the day, i.e. I am going to have more patience with myself or I am going to start a new project and recognize that this is new for me so I will not judge myself.
- Perform an act of kindness for someone else as this boosts our overall mental state (even if they don’t react kindly to your gesture, recognize you are a good person and that it will rub off on others – even though you may not see the immediate effect).
- End the day with a positive affirmation about yourself.
- Recognize that although things may not have gone the way you envisioned them, you can turn everything into a learning experience. Turn a negative statement into a positive one i.e. although I wasn’t selected to be on the team today, I will continue to improve my skills so that I am even more prepared next time. In addition, I will use the extra time that I will have to try something new.
- Remind yourself that nobody is perfect and that challenges build character and provide learning experiences.
And finally….
Remind yourself that Life is about the JOURNEY!
It’s not realistic to expect that our confidence and self-esteem will be – or should be off the charts high most of the time. We are human and will have ups and downs throughout our lives. The truth is, even without all of those external factors, we will still doubt ourselves – and that’s ok. Use the tips mentioned above and remind yourself that you are UNIQUE and WONDERFUL and have so much to experience and offer this big world of ours.
Keep an eye out for my next blog where I reveal more factors that play into our negative self-esteem and what to look out for.
In the meantime, be kind to yourself and reach out to me for a chat!